this poem is for a project i need to know if it needs anything changed and how good yall think it is the poem is called you :
so cold and alone
when I'm with you I feel warm and at home
time wasted thinking about you
to tango, it takes two
like roses you have thorns
like a bull I have horns
ain't nothing I want more than your love
you I truly adore
all this pain
can drive us insane
from hate, we have nothing to gain
you're the light in my darkness
you're the life in the face of death
I ain't want no one else
love you with all my heart
thinking about you lately
without you I'm crazy
think about you daily
you're a caterpillar
you're becoming a beautiful butterfly
ill love you till the day I die
love is all I need
love is all I want
I can go fast
but I have to take it slow
can't stop thinking
but I will always dream
about you

Respuesta :

Answer:

See explanation for answer.

Explanation:

Tips:

Maybe instead of saying "ain't nothing I want more than your love" say "I want nothing more than your love" for a classier and more professional line.

I would reccommend taking out "you're a catipiller, you're becoming a beuatiful butterfly" because in my opinion it almost seems like your belittling the person you love. Try using a different metaphor.

"ill love you to the day that I die" should be "I'll love you till the day that I die" which I might also change because it sounds very similar to a line in the song "Piano Man" by Billy Joel. Just a tip.

When you say "love is all I need, love is all I want" maybe say "your love is all I need, your love is all I want"

Advice:

Try creating stanzas, it will help your poem look more finished.

Compliments:

I love the comparison "like roses you have thorns" and "like a bull I have horns" cause that's basically you admitting that you know neither of you are perfect.

I love your ending, it's very well thought out.

I hope I helped!

Have a lovely day!

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