Answer: i say yes but i think you can do better
Explanation: it says it is a poem right? well i can't really find the rhythm of the poem, and also it should contain a bit more suspense and descriptions of the surroundings since this poem is more set up in that side of perspectives i guess, and also be more serious because i feel it isn't portraying the correct feelings a character is supposed to feel when in panic or danger, but it is your poem and your feelings, but other then that it is pretty good!
