It sounds casual and juvenile. The word 'hey,' and 'totally' have a juvenile and sound and it is unprofessional. Why should the business hire him/her? What are his/or past positions and jobs? To reword; "Hello, I have worked previous positions like this and have done great at the jobs I have been assigned, here is my contact information if you would like to hire me. Thank you and I will be looking forward to your call!
I hope this helps! :)
