im at my lowest point. ive gotten expelled twice for things i absolutely did not do, which is completely hard to believe but its true. so im doing homeschool, i have no friends, they've definitley forgotten me by now, my phone has been taken away until i move out. I live with my grandma half time because my parents dont trust me being home-alone anymore. i recently told my mom about incestual child sexual abuse that happened to me in the past and she isnt handling it well. telling her has made me think of the event more often and i have constant nightmares every night. theres not a single moment where i dont think about it. I don't want to see anyone. I feel embarassed. I lay in my bed with the curtains closed and emptiness washes over me like a wave. whatever is happening to me is my own fault. i've done something wrong, something so huge I can't even deal with it, it's drowning me. my stress is unbearable, i feel so weak to the point where it feels like i cant swallow, so i end up drooling all over myself for a long period of time. yesterday i cried myself to sleep because god wouldnt answer my prayer. i prayed that one day i would be able to enjoy life at some point, just like everyone else my age. i've always wondered why i'm so different from everyone. its not the type of physically looking, acting, talking different.. its like, feeling like i dont belong. I honestly dont even know what im doing with myself right now. im seriously so alone that im on my school computer at 3:42 a.m. and venting on brainly. I'd give anything to undo the choices i've made to get to this point, i'm just a kid.

I guess my question is, why should I go on? how do I manage my future? How do I move on from the trauma i've endured?